I really struggled with this post because I normally have a particular topic in mind I’d like to address, but for this, I figured I’d just be transparent since I have been dealing with a few things.

This past week, I lost a friend. He gave me my first kiss and was the first guy to ever write a poem about me. Most people don’t know this about me, but I was born to drug-addicted parents. Outside of that experience with my parents, this was the first time drug addiction hit close to home for me. My friend was dealing with something. All week, I have been sad. We had talked, I made myself available, and yet I had no idea he was battling this demon and for a minute, I wondered if I could have done more. But having encountered drug addictions with my parents, I realized that was nothing more I could have done and I found solace in knowing he was at peace. My sweet friend, your spirit was genuine. You were kind, fun, loving, and caring. I love you and I know you knew that. I’ll carry you with me everyday while you and Mille cause a ruckus in the skies. Just a week ago, you told me was I was your angel, and now you’re mine.

***Moment of Silence***

As for my studies and blogging, here’s where I am…

In my ‘Why Now’ post, I shared my reasons for finally ripping the Band-Aid off and following my heart’s desires. What I didn’t share is how amazingly daunting this journey has been. It has been wrought with fear and frustration, but also a sense of completeness and satisfaction. When I decided on the #RoadtoPA, there were so many things I needed to complete. In a year’s time, I enrolled in a CNA program and took classes for 16 weeks after work to get my license. At the same time, I began completing my prerequisite courses for the program: Medical Terminology, Chemistry II, Organic Chemistry I & II, Anatomy and Physiology I & II, Cell Biology, Microbiology, and Genetics, all while working full-time and part-time as a Patient Care Tech 20-30 hours per week. These courses challenge me in ways I never imagined and yet I love them! And I absolutely love working overnight to care for patients. There’s an unfathomable joy I have when I am studying late at night and working through the wee hours of the morning. It’s reassurance that I am on the right path.

I began conceptualizing starting my blog at the beginning of 2018. My original idea was to do a look-book because I despise taking pictures but when I confronted why that was—insecurity—I forced myself in front of the camera. My photographer made it easy and after awhile, I got comfortable. As I continue to create content, I still find myself struggling with being on the other side of the camera. I find myself putting shoots off until I feel ‘ready’, whatever the hell that means. But as I do more, the more comfortable I become.

Scheduling my content has been a huge issue for me and I am sure many bloggers can relate when they start off. One of the downfalls to putting off my shoots and delaying my content is my clothing selling out, so at some point, I have to get better at this but sometimes it’s a lot. Scheduling the shoot, getting my looks, my hair, my nails, plus everything else I am juggling but I will find the balance. For this particular look, I was up at 6am on a Tuesday; it was 27 degrees and snowing. There’s no doubt that I am committed, it is just going to require a little more time management on my part. I try to be superwoman but sometimes, I get tired. Any tips? Leave in the comments below…

Thanks for listening!

XOXO,

StinaDior