8 Lessons I Learned When I Decided to Choose Me
About three years ago, when I was around 27, I said to myself I wanted to take some time off work. I had been working multiple jobs for about ten years, earning degrees, managing my household and a bihhh was tired. On top of that, I just got tired of getting up every morning to bring someone else’s visions to fruition. Some people have the luxury of taking a gap year between high school and college to explore, one I did not have, so I decided I would work toward that goal.
Fast forward to 2019, I was working full-time and part-time, taking classes, getting certifications, attending conferences, and landing job offers. I felt extremely blessed but I was exhausted. I couldn’t enjoy or bask in landing new opportunities because I was drained. Relocating to new city, securing a place to live, adding more bills to my long list, added more stress and anxiety to my plate instead of excitement. I was getting the salary I put on my vision board the first day of the year, I was relocating like I envisioned, my debt to limit ratio dropped dramatically from 69% to 17%, my blog was well-received, and I was stumped. I legit could not enjoy my accomplishments.
I accepted my offer, albeit in a city that wasn’t on my list, and a week before I was due to relocate, I rescinded it. There were health issues going on with my family adding to that, but even more importantly, I was struggling personally, mentally. Attending counseling unearthed a lot feelings and memories I’d packed away. So while my life was going so well, I was falling apart on the inside. I needed to choose me for awhile and everyone around me agreed; and yet, I needed to convince myself. One of my colleagues shared a quote by John Burroughs that was the push I needed; “Leap and the net will appear.” All year, I had allowed God to order my steps, I had been fulfilling the prophecies I set forth in my life and yet, when it came to a decision that was best for my mental health and self-preservation, I struggled.
Ultimately, I packed up my 2008 Nissan Altima Coupe and drove 14 hours to Houston in pursuit of my peace and finally got the relaxation and self-reflection I needed.
I secured a job three days after arriving and began interviewing for jobs in Atlanta within a week of moving to Houston. By the end of June, I was working in a hospital and second week of July, I accepted an offer in Atlanta doing exactly what I wanted back in my birthplace. You can’t tell me that God does not come through! And most importantly, I was reclaiming my time. I was no longer in the business of taking care of everyone else around me. I learned the value of ‘No’ and ‘Don’t ask me’ and set boundaries that I was adhering to (shoutout to my therapist)! In the midst of this greatness, I was back and forth to St. Louis and lost my grandmother, which sucked because she was one of the people who told me to, “Go and be happy, that’s all that matters.” While heart-breaking, I found solace in knowing I was doing exactly what she empowered me to do.
In August, I found a place to live and the first week of September, I relocated to Atlanta and began the next step in my career.
Now here I am, a year later, reflecting on all the changes that have happened and happy that I manifested all the things I envisioned at the start of my year “off.”
Here are 8 things I’ve learned and/or what was reinforced during my time off:
1. Trust God in ALL things
You must believe that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. There are a lot of things outside of our control. I leaned in and trusted Him to handle those things so I could focus on things that were in my control. This made me fearless.
2. It is okay to choose yourself and be selfish
When you are everything to everyone, you often forget that you are only responsible for yourself and you can choose you, without guilt, EVERY time. It is okay to put your needs and wants before those of others.
3. Reclaim your time
This goes hand-in-hand with choosing yourself. Devote time to your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional wealth. I had to reclaim to my time to focus and it was freeing to wake up every morning and exercise, meditate, eat a good breakfast and go back to sleep. Then when I decided I was ready, do a little work, a little research, make plans, study, run errands, all when I wanted to, not around the schedule of a 9-5 or classes.
4. There is power in NO
You may be the person with their finances intact or the wisdom to help others overcome their current adversities, but not everyone is worth your money or your mental sanity. We all have our own things happening whether that is emotionally, financially, health-related, work-related. We are not obligated to shoulder anyone else’s problems when we are struggling with our own. Just because you have it in the bank, doesn’t mean you readily give it away when someone is need. That was a tough lesson I had to learn. I’d often give me last to ensure others were good, but who was there for me when I needed that in return? It takes time but we must learn that ‘no’ is one of the most powerful responses for protecting our tranquility.
5. Your village, tribe, friend circle matters
The people you choose to share your space, time, and vulnerabilities with matter. I wouldn’t have taken a leap if my village didn’t encourage me and support my decision to do it. I legit lived on an air mattress in my ship’s/line sister’s/best friend’s living room for 3 months and not once did she complain, make me feel unwelcome, or make me feel like she or I needed space. She was there for EVERYTHING allowing me the space and time to get my mind right. I even cried when I left (but she’s here with me now). People often say they can do a lot of things on their own and that may be true; but having a team that supports you, rallies around and put their arms around you, allows you to have bad days and not take it personally, are invaluable and makes the journey better. This is even more meaningful when it’s a void not being filled by your family.
6. Manage your finances
Thank goodness I had my finances together before I left. I honestly would have never done it without them being in order. You hear success stories about people leaving with $500 and making the most of it. Rare, but it happens. But nah playa that wouldn’t work for me. I still had bills to pay back home, a life to live, travel I wanted to experience, and I vowed I would not accrue the debt I worked so hard to eliminate the first 2 quarters of the year. Managing your money is REQUIRED if you think you are going to take some extended time. I had amassed a good amount of savings and that kept me over 4 months and only came close to running out when I moved because I was buying new everything (true to my extra-ness lol). But even more than that, I deserved it. The Mint app was my best friend and I recommend everyone use some type of budgeting tool to keep them on track. There was a meme this summer that was hella me, “Sometimes you just need to quit your job, go on welfare, and enjoy your summer!” I did it and it was the best. S/O to Texas Food Stamps Benefits!
7. R&R is so important for your mental health
Sleep, sleep, and sleep. I can never get enough and wasn’t getting any between my jobs, classes, studying, and my workouts. I took a month of just sleeping in. Waking up, eating, and going back to sleep. I needed to hibernate and just rest. I deal with depression and so naturally there are days I don’t want to face the world but on days when I could, I chose not to. Studies show that poor sleep quality can have negatively impact your health. I always made sure I had a self-care day at least once a month where I spent time getting my nails, hair and body cared for and made sure I saved enough to continue this routine. Massages are monthly, hair, nails, waxing, every 3 weeks. I was exercising daily and that made all the difference. Though sore, it gave me energy, time to think through decisions, and I felt a sense of accomplishment, especially after I took a picture and realized that shit was working! Huge confidence booster. I needed to feel good about myself to show-up.
8. Its okay to let your hair down and live life irresponsibly
All these things seemed to be irresponsible on my part. I saved money to splurge it and live life on my terms for 3-4 months and I had to realize that nothing was wrong with it. I am single, childless with very little debt and if I wanted a quarter-life retirement, the time was now. I had to ignore what people thought I should have been doing, even myself because I have always followed the rules and been structured, and just do some shit! If there were pop-up trips, I was taking them. Sunday Funday activities, I was going. Happy hours, count me in. Hookah for a few hours, cool! Movies, shopping, brunch, club, pool time, road-trips, fundraisers I was in! For the first time, I lived life abandoning the rules and it was so damn good. Everyone should experience this at some point when its right for them.
It’s okay to take a leap. The net appeared at the right time and I am forever grateful.
XOXO 💛
Stina